It’s no coincidence that I had this on my calendar to be posted over a week ago. I am only 2 weeks behind in my writing and I am sure many other things on my “list”. Balance. Is there really even such a thing?
Seems like I am always trying to get everything all evened out and in some sort of controlled fashion in my life. My areas of focus consist of meal planning, money managing, fitness/health, work, homeschool, quality and quantity time with my children and my husband, and of course my relationship with God. I can usually get 2-3 of them at a time under control by my standards, but never have I been able to have them all feeling managed well at the same time.
There have been times when I was eating so healthy and exercising regularly. At the same time I was working hastily and completing project upon project with my satisfaction. But my finances weren’t so healthy. And my home making skills weren’t doing so well. Then there was the time I was managing the finances well and spending quality time with my kids and my husband, while eating those cookies and not getting much “work” done. If you are like me, it is super frustrating to not be able to just have it all working together properly at the same time.
During my morning times with God I have been praying about any possible idols I may have in my life. An idol is something that we worship, something that we work our life around and conform to, and something that gets in-between us and God. What God revealed to me was a little bit of a sucker punch to the gut. My calendar. My schedule. My lists. My structure.
Now, don’t get me wrong. I do believe that calendars, schedules, lists and structure are all very good things to have and use. I even think they are very important tools to use in having a highly functional life. But the problem comes when my schedule for the day or my need to get something done kills my response to my child. Or pushes out my time with God. Or strains my relationship with my husband. Or causes me to miss an opportunity to teach. You see I have allowed my schedule to run me. To make my decisions for me. To come before what God is speaking to me.
My roles in life which currently include wife, mother, teacher, home-maker, entrepreneur, and financial manager are important. But my most important role is being a leader. A leader to my children. How can I lead well when I am consumed with what I have to do? How can I make other leaders when I am so busy doing MY stuff? You see my issue isn’t my schedule, but it’s be a slave to my schedule. It’s killing my purpose.
“Leadership is not about being in charge. Leadership is about taking care of those in your charge.” Simon Sinek
I read somewhere recently that if we are trying to get our “stuff” done faster, the best thing for us may be to slow down and spend time with the one who created it all. When I don’t surrender everything to my Lord, my life is chaotic. If I was able to keep it all together and have all my nice little roles running smoothly and equally, well, then, why would I need God? We are not made to be self-sufficient or self living. We are created to need and desire God while living in community.
In the end, the definition of balance must change. Real, true balance is loving God the Father with all your heart, mind, and spirit. At that point, and only at that point, does it all fall into balance.